Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Wife Rule #7: Throw Away "The List"

The details are too personal to share, but there is no doubt in my mind that the circumstances leading to my wife and I meeting were put in place by a Higher Power. I can't speak to her story--that is hers to tell. But as for me, over the course of several years encompassing my university studies, I was led away from my probable life's trajectory just long enough to meet her and establish the foundation for a relationship. After the beginnings were put in place, the detour abruptly ended, my life direction came into sharp focus, and I resumed my course on what seemed in retrospect to be the obvious path I should have been taking all along.

I will forever be grateful to a guiding God that He took interest in helping one of His most helpless children to stumble my way into a relationship that is beautiful beyond my fondest hopes and dreams. For that's who my wife is: a gift from God, a person of such incredible beauty and virtue that when I think of the magnitude of the blessing I have to be married to her, the natural response is to fall to my knees in thanks.

She is my counterpart, my perfect fit. She embodies qualities that compliment me so well that I could not have hand-picked a better match if I had the whole universe at my disposal. Her virtue elevates me. Her beauty and influence magnify my world. Her gentle love is a balm when I am wounded; a lifeline when I am sinking; and at times eagle's wings to carry me to fair heights and future hopes that were previously unimaginable. But perhaps the most delightful parts of my wife are the many surprises I continue to discover--those hidden, sublime qualities which are only revealed over process of time and after a variety of experiences together.

Before I met my wife, I had The List that so many of us carry around, constantly sizing up potential or current mates against the items on The List. I have come to realize that The List, while undoubtedly containing many admirable and virtuous qualities for a spouse to have, also has the shortcoming of being terribly short-sighted. How could The List I created for my ideal wife be complete when I am still an incomplete person? How could I possibly comprehend what I really need, when I am still so needy in so many ways?

Thankfully, the Lord ignored most of The List and instead sent me an angel. She happens to fit many of the items on my List, but so much more importantly, she fits all of the items on His List for me. His List is so grand, so complete, so transcendent, so perfect for me. I can't wait to discover more of the items on His List; each time I do, my love for my wife grows and in turn, I grow.

So if you are still looking for your perfect match, hold The List loosely in your hands, but be ready to accept a bigger, better version that is being prepared for you. And if any of you who are married are still carrying around The List, please, take my advice, and throw it away. You don't need it anymore. Have the faith to fully enjoy the person you have with you now.

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